It's strange when you're someone like me who cries so easily to go through the motions with not a single tear. I cried, but it was as if something like this shouldn't be sullied by the tears of petty playground politics and the trivial trials of teenage love.

Everyone's shocked and saddened and maybe just a little guilty, but the beautiful thing about it is that we've become a family - this has brought us together, and we're all pulling each other through. I've spent the day with people in my arms, in people's arms, confused and stunned and just feeling very heavy. Death is such a pedestrian part of life - not a day goes by without it - and yet when it hits so close to home...it's humbling, to realize how fragile human life is.

We've all become so wild and reckless and gung-ho about things and this has suddenly given us so many questions with no answers. We've all done stupid things, things that have pushed us mentally and physically and emotionally to the brink, and now I'm starting to wonder whether I've done this with false assumptions of my capacities, with illusions about my strength to pull through. We all wonder how this all happened, what we could have done to somehow make things better. But there are no answers for questions like these.

All my love to each and every one of you. No matter what happens, we'll always be family.
G.