"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Saturday, April 28, 2012

think you know me? think again.

Bear with me if this doesn't make a lot of sense.

A lot of people are actually quite surprised to find out that I an quite introverted. Privately, I am a very different person that the image I project publicly. I spend a lot of time in my own world - I like my own company, and I need my own space. As much as I welcome criticism I'm also rather bad at handling it; I take it too personally, especially when someone is being a bit tactless. I'm also much more likely to be governed by conscience than logic, so sometimes I can be somewhat...illogical.

I find it hard to explain to people my intensity; it is hard for people to understand my passion, my insatiable need for honesty, loyalty, sincerity, affection. I always try and present myself as someone people can open up to, because it's only when people open up to me that I can return the favour - I have been betrayed and humiliated far too many times to make such a great leap of faith.

If I were truly myself around people I would have absolutely nothing to say. When I am myself I find it hard to express myself verbally; everything, I find, is so much easier to explain through writing. A lot of people comment that my blog, my writing, is written by a very different person to who they thought I was.

To the rest of the world, I am a loud, flirty extrovert. I love a good argument, a good conversation. But does it mean anything? Hardly. But I've learned not to show too much of who I am to too many people. It's a massive vulnerability.

The scientific explanation is that I'm an INFP who sometimes masquerades as an ESTJ.

I don't really know what else to say. 

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