Femmephobia

Now Playing: What the Water Gave Me by Florence + the Machine (lay me down, let the only sound be the overflow, pockets full of stones) 

Femmephobia: the fear or contempt of femininity or feminine traits in men or women, or the belief that masculinity is superior to femininity. Femmephobia is distinct from misogyny or philandry in that it is not associated with biological sex or biological function, but the behaviours associated with gender identity and the purely cultural constructs of traditional male and female behaviour.

As part of my discussion that gender and sexuality is fluid and has little in common with biological sex, there is an increasing fear of the feminine, of femaleness. I'll give you some examples:

In society there are huge stigmas attached to the female biological function - menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth and the menopause. When I first got my period there was all sorts of crap about 'you can lose your virginity to a tampon' (?), 'you should just sit down and not jump around when you have your period' (??) and 'you only get your period if you're a slut' (???????). The fear of pregnancy and childbirth is propagated by the trope of 'the mystical pregnancy', in which pregnancy and childbirth is associated with violation of the female body, rape, non consensual insemination, fear, pain, torture, agony, death, blood, guts, freaky alien spawn...(click here for the Feminist Frequency's explanation of this trope) to instill in both men and women that the TOTALLY NATURAL PROCESS OF CONTINUING OUR SPECIES is weird and creepy and alien.

Because of the natural sexual dimorphism in many animals, including humans, women are on average smaller and physically weaker than men. This has led to the untrue theory that femininity is weaker than masculinity, when in reality they are just two different ways of expressing oneself and, at any rate, they've both become so infested with stereotypes neither are really healthy anymore.

Put it this way. When I was little my mother bought my sister and I fluffy and extremely impractical matching pink dresses from Hong Kong (actually, my sister's dresses were always pink. Mine were always inexplicably orange), but there are numerous pictures of me in a Bananas in Pyjamas tracksuit in the traditional 'boy colours' of black, red and blue, my sister's first watch was Bananas in Pyjamas and my third birthday present from my mother was a Buzz Lightyear figurine. Now, if you think that turned heads, imagine if I were a boy and my mother had given me a Barbie doll (which, knowing my mother, is something she would do). Could you imagine the societal backlash?

It is socially unacceptable for men to do anything that isn't MANLY and AGGRESSIVE and HYPER MASCULINE. Transwomen (biological men with female gender identities) and crossdressing men are much more likely to be the victims of murder or assault than transmen (biological men with male gender identities) and crossdressing women because they don't conform to society's expectations of masculinity; although that being said, all transgender and transsexual people report discrimination. This has an impact on the cisgender population, too - men are constantly taught that aggression, intimidation, violence and assertions of physical dominance are normal, even necessary, to be a MAN. This combined with our society's total disregard for chivalry has led to increasing chauvinism and contribution to our rape-positive culture - the sad thing is is that most boys I know seem intensely uncomfortable when they put on this charade - they know it's wrong, they're just buckling under social pressure.

It is becoming more and more socially acceptable, even encouraged, for women to act aggressive, masculine, and reject femininity - it is socially acceptable for women to look like they live in their boyfriends' wardrobe, to use products normally marketed to men; this is always seen as 'empowering'. How is it empowering to reject your own sex and gender identity and pretend to be a man? Shouldn't we focus on empowering women by letting women be...women?

The problem with femininity is that it has been corrupted by patriarchy, in which female sexuality is exploited and suppressed and natural feminine instincts are created as signs of weakness or oppression. Men who show feminine traits or behaviours are also seen as a corrosion of masculinity, which is (ironically, given our 'every man for himself' social attitude) is a collective rather than an individualistic trait - like yellow peril and red fever before it, men see femininity as a direct attack on masculinity, and feel like they're 'losing the battle' when they see 'their own kind' 'succumbing and defecting'

Weird shit like that.

I began associating with the lipstick feminist movement because I was so sick and tired of militant, masculine, completely sexless women telling me I had to become militant, masculine and completely sexless in order to fight for gender equality - succumbing to femininity was succumbing to patriarchal propaganda. Men also like to point out my penchant for lace and makeup and pretty dresses as 'weaknesses'.

This is not an attack on gender-queer people or people who genuinely like to express themselves by doing traditonally masculine things. But it's not the ONLY way to empower women. I don't like pretending to be a guy. I think being a woman and everything a woman can do is beautiful and empowering in itself - I shouldn't have to feel obligated to reject my biological sex and my gender identity just to be taken seriously.

Femininity is not a crime, it's not a weakness, it's not giving up on feminism and it's not being a pussy. Femmephobia is the result and the cause of fear and is one of the main reasons why alternate sexual orientations and gender identities are so violently discriminated against in our society.