my boys.

Now Playing: My Boy Builds Coffins by Florence + the Machine (my boy builds coffins, he makes them all day, it's not just for work and it isn't for play, he's made one for himself, one for him too, and one of these days he'll make one for you)

I like hanging out with boys.

Not entirely unrelated, but I also love boys. I love men. I'm in love with a lot of guys. I fall in love way too easily.

There's this thing amongst girls that the more you hang out with boys the more they hate on you because you're somehow impeding on their ability to hang out with boys when in reality they won't anyway because otherwise they'll become that girl that people hate on because she's somehow impeding on other people's ability to hang out with boys when in reality they won't anyway because...

You get the picture.

I hang out with boys because I don't choose my friends by gender.

I like people I can talk to. I like people who respect me intellectually and emotionally. I like people who look out for me and care about me. I like people who are on an intellectually equal playing field. And most of the people I have met who fulfill these criteria happen to be boys.

On a side note, I do like flirting, and I do like flirting with my friends. Well, not so much flirting as proximity - physical touch is my language of love. And I have found that slightly easier to do with boys than with girls, what with being cisgirl and hetero and all that jazz. Not that I particularly care if people suddenly think I'm bi, because I won't be defensive about something that isn't offensive.

Anyway, there are a lot of myths about that girl who's sitting on laps of BOYS and giving hugs to BOYS and kissing BOYS on the cheek and talking to BOYS and hanging out with BOYS and buying BOYS gifts, the girl that a BOY who is not her BOYFRIEND dares to mention in passing. In other words, a girl like...me.

A lot of these myths are fuelled by jealousy. It is not always easy being that girl. First and foremost it's not always easy being friends with guys, what with friendzoning and hormones and gender differences and blah blah. But secondly...most girls are shy/think that they'll be negatively received/will become a slut/insert other irrational insecurity here and so immediately react negatively to that one girl who has the guts to, ya know, look at the opposite gender in the eye without hyperventilating.

MYTH #1: She's a slut. She's sleeping with all of them. ALL OF THEM. 

So the root of this myth is that men and women can't be friends - either he wants sex or she wants marriage or babies or all sorts of other scary stereotypes. Most of the guys I am friends with are friends' boyfriends or ex-crushes - bad idea when it comes to The Girl Crowd, I know. But whilst friendzoning and emotions and hormones can be a problem with male/female relationships, you don't have to be attracted to every guy you talk to. You don't spend a lot of time thinking about your girlfriends' boobs so why would you spend much time thinking about your guyfriends' dicks? You can like things like intelligence and sincerity without necessarily wanting to bang. Just saying.

MYTH #2: She's undateable/a lesbian/otherwise undesirable - that's why they're 'just friends'

I've never really understood the concept of 'platonic friendships' or 'flirt buddies' being somehow cheap inferior substitutes for 'deep meaningful rom-com romances'. I'm friends with my male friends for the same reason that I'm friends with my female friends... and any attraction is either non-existent/not mutual/not enough/just part of our friendship. The desire to fuck someone is not one and the same as the desire to spend time with someone. Friendships are an honour, not an insult.

MYTH #3: She only hangs out with guys because there's something wrong with her so she can't hang out with girls

The truth is that I hang out with guys because there's something wrong with GIRLS so I can't hang out with them. I'm tired of the judgement, the hostility, the false belief that all the pressure put on girls comes from guys. Some of it is, admittedly. But a lot of it comes from girls.