so do you keep anything private?

Now Playing: Fireflies by Owl City (you'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare)

'You put lots of personal stuff on your blog though, don't you?'

^ The opinion of one of my sweet friends about my blog. 

My blog reflects both my introverted and extraverted personalities and yes, I know I talk a lot about myself. I also talk about lots of 'taboo' topics, and sometimes the only way I really feel like I can get my message across is by using personal examples. I've talked about suicide, depression, bullying, low self esteem, body issues. I've openly admitted to trying to take my own life, sinking into depression, hating what I look like, the death of my brother, my classmate passing away just last week, kissing someone without going out with them. To some people this stuff would be very personal and private but...it helps me cope with things when it gets hard, talking about it. 

It's not always easy. It's scary, writing about 'taboo' topics - and it's even scarier to talk about myself. I do it to break down stigma, to challenge dogma, to faciliate open dialogue. I do it because there are some things, like mental health, like depression and suicide, that so desperately need to be discussed but no one dares to discuss them - so it's up to little old me to do what society should have done a long time ago on a blog that, ya know, world leaders and government policy makers generally don't pay that much attention to. I do it because even someone like me, growing up in a relatively privileged and egalitarian society, felt guilty and ashamed about expressing my sexuality and that isn't fair. 

But more importantly I do it to help myself heal, grow, move on. I don't mind that people know these things about me - there's nothing wrong with being pushed down to a level where you really think that death is an easy way out. There's nothing wrong with being strange or intense or different. There's nothing wrong with exploring your own sexuality when you're a teenager. There's nothing wrong with who I am - I am not a mistake! 

So do I keep some things private? Yes! My name, for one - my parents may have given me a 'weird' name, but Lady Solitaire is a little too avant-garde for my parents. I keep all my ideas and drafts in a notebook, and I never let anyone read that notebook - it's just too raw for public consumption. I have a diary, again, which nobody reads, and my own thoughts - I only publish about half of what I'm thinking, after I've thought it over again and again into some vaguely cohesive polemic. So whilst my blog might contain what you might consider highly 'personal' stuff...I have worse up my sleeve. 

Privacy is something only we can judge for ourselves. But I always like to keep in mind that for every silence, there is a stigma. By being brave and putting myself out there I'm doing my part to break down stereotypes and myths that are borne out of miscommunications and ommissions.