Delays on It's a Crazy Dream

Mood: hungry
Listening to: 'The Guardian' by Delta Goodrem
Hungry for: steak...

Sorry that I haven't been updating my new blog, It's A Crazy Dream - I've nearly finished Pride and Prejudice and I have like forty other chapters to blog about! I will update soon.

Don't forget to check out my new blog, It's A Crazy Dream, to follow me as I read the Telegraph's Top 100 Novels of All Time.

Advertising.

Mood: hungry
Listening to: 'Running Back' by Jessica Mauboy
Hungry for: fried potatoes (It's a Korean thing, like a sidedish. Not like french fries.)

I've always been interested in advertising - how companies use colours and language to make their product look better - big result and best value. And I think my research has got some results. I may be no expert, but here are my tips on good advertising

1. Avoid those horrible, tacky ads you find on most commercial TV channels - you know the kind of ad I'm talking about? They're popular with exercise equipment, makeup and cleaning product companies, and they're the most annoying ads to ever exist and are a surefire way to piss off customoers. It always has a voiceover boasting over supposed 'special features', and a whole slew of false-American accented 'consumers' raving about the product - and, if it's about exercise equpiment, it'll feature heavily muscled-up bodies and extremely photoshopped transformations of 'flab to fab'. Then they say that it's worth like two million dollars and say that it's available for like a godzillion easy payments of 'Just 19.99!' - adding 'plus postage and handling' in as an afterthought. It's tacky, it's stupid, it's a waste of time, and it tells all potential customers 'My products are cheap and tacky and pathetic and useless and I'm just really really really desperate to sell!'. Don't do it.

2. Invest in a good, professional-looking website - Potential customers now do thorough research on the net for just about anything - from makeup to lawnmowers. So invest in a professional, interesting website loaded with information and free of typos or tacky fonts.

3. Avoid homemade...anything - go professional for TV adverts, newspaper adverts and fliers, and labels. An advert should not look like an eight-year-old designed it on Word, and a TV commercial should not look like it was made in PowerPoint presentation. It's tacky and implies you can't be stuffed doing the job properly.

And that's it, really. Be fun, creative and inventive - and relevant to the modern-day world. Customers will be flocking in.

Don't forget to check out my new blog, It's A Crazy Dream, to follow me as I read the Telegraph's Top 100 Novels of All Time.

New Blog.

I have set a challenge for myself: to finish the Telegraph's Top 100 Novels of All Time...before high school graduation.

And, of course, to motivate myself, I'm blogging about it.

Welcome to my new blog: It's A Crazy Dream (http://reading100booksinfouryears.blogspot.com/).

5 Lame Excuses That Guys Use (and they actually work! incredible!)

Mood: hungry...
Listening to: 'Breathe' by Taylor Swift and Colbie Callait
Hungry for: noodles...

THE SIX EXCUSES GUYS GET THAT THEY DON'T REALLY DESERVE

1. 'He's a growing boy'
2. 'He's just a boy/man. What can you expect?'
3. 'Boys are naturally thick/stupid/insensitive. Don't take it personally.'
4. 'God created man first, and the man is meant to rule the house.'
5. 'I know it's messy, but it's the content that counts.' (as opposed to what teachers say to girls who hand in messy work: 'presentation matters').
6. 'It makes sense for the weaker sex to stay at home'

THE FIVE EXCUSES GIRLS REALLY DO DESERVE...BUT DON'T GET

1. 'She's a growing girl'
2. 'It's her time of the month/she's riding the crimson wave/she doesn't wanna attract the sharks'.
3. 'We know God created men first, so consider us the new, inproved version.
4. 'Girls are naturally dramatic/touchy/sensitive'. Don't take it personally.'
5. 'If we're the weaker sex then *you* should have the babies.'
6. 'You think we sit around and do nothing? Well then, cook your own dinner'.

10 Things Old Folks Can Learn From The Younger Generations

1. Keeping an open mind

Young people are more open to political, social and religious freedom, as well as passing trends and new ideas. Old people? Not a chance. It's all tradition, tradition, tradition. Which is not *always* a bad thing, but if everyone thought like that, we'd still be stuck in the middle ages.

2. No-one acts like they give a shit because they *genuinely* don't give a shit.

Caring and sharing is a little old-fashioned nowadays, and being so careful about what people think about you and all of that crap is stopping humankind from progressing. People these days seriously *do not* give a shit about anyone other than close friends or family, or the poor. And that's a good thing, I think. I think we mind each other's business too much, and I think it affects us too much. I'm not saying we have to go out of our way to be horrible to each other, but I think we should stop going out of our way to be *nice* to each other, and fussing so much about presenting yourself *properly*.

3. Tradition holds you back.

Although some traditions are important, lots of them are just wastes of time and energy and cause huge social problems. Traditions and religion don't have to disappear entirely, they just have to adapt, as do the people who follow them. Dying for religion was once a heroic thing, but it's just seen as silly now. Don't do it.

4. Stay out of relationships

Old people do not always know best. Face the music - age is not a measurement of wisdom. So what if you got an arranged marriage and it all worked out well? It's probably not going to hold true for your great-grandson, and the more messing you do with his lovelife the more pain and frustration and embarassment you're going to cause - no matter how good your intentions are. So, you're an old folk, stick to old folk business. Let young people do what they do best - being young.

5. 'In my day'...

Stop complaining about all the priveledges that children get these days, and stop trying to make their lives back to the 'hard times'. So what if you had a shit childhood? Don't make ours bad as some kind of sick payback. Humanity is about progressing, not carrying out revenge on the innocent young generations. Let all your tough times be buried in the past and look towards a happy future.

6. 'I'm too old to do this'...

You're never too old to do anything, and you're never old enough to be a useless lump of bones and grey hair and a burden to society. Unless you're strapped onto a hospital bed on life support, get out there and do something productive. Young and old, we all have to pull our weight.

7. Technology.

Don't complain about how technology is making us lazier and more stupid. After all, I'm sure that's what the people said when da Vinci invented all sorts of time-savers, and I'm pretty sure we survived that. I'm pretty sure that's what your parents said when the TV and the radio were invented, but guess what, you survived that too. So we'll survive the iPods. Okay?

8. Be yourself

Be yourself! Relax! Chill! Being prim and proper when you're old and wrinkly isn't going to make you look ladylike, it's gonna make you look grumpy, old, unapproacheable and a bloody pain in the ass. Be friendly, open minded, gracious and fun.

9. That said, don't be too...strange...

There's nothing worse than an embarassing grandma who bounces around all the kids thinking they've got the 411. Old people just have to accept that they're in a different part of society now.

10. Have fun

Life is about living.

Mood: meh
Listening to: 'White Flag' by Dido
Hungry for: food....obviously....

They say that little kids like to stare because they're so fascinated by the world around them.

Little kids also like to give dirty looks.

More specifically, little kids like giving me dirty looks.

Little kids are taught by some unknown force of nature that body hugging clothes, high heels, hair products and makeup are like BAD BAD BAD, and they keep thinking this until they reach about ten years old and they suddenly become GOOD GOOD GOOD. To them, all these 'big girl things' are 'slutty, bad things', and so anyone who stoops low enough to use them are slutty, bad people.

So I was grocery shopping with my mum the other day (the sole reasons why I do this is one, my mum and I are super close, two, my mum reckons I still need to have parental supervision but actually she's the one that you need to keep an eye on and three, I am my mum's walking, talking shopping list. If I didn't go with her when she shopped I doubt there would be anything edible in this house at the moment.) and there were all these little kids, wearing little kid clothes that resemble potato sacks dyed shocking pink, looking at me, in a sundress and strappy heels, as though I had walked into Coles wearing red lingerie or something.

Little kids are so funny. Because one day they'll wear strappy heels and sundresses and makeup, and then they'll wonder why all the little kids are giving them dirty looks.

A Friend.

I had a friend, a friend I really liked.
I had a friend, a friend who I kept giving out chances to.
I had a friend, a friend who lied to me.
I had a friend, a friend who let me down.
I had a friend, but this is the last straw.
He is no longer my friend.

My Weird Weirdness.

The problem with me is that my behaviour doesn't always reflect my IQ capabilities, which is why I don't really fit in with any of the stereotypical cliques. And because of that, I get the 'one size fits all' label - freak.

The thing is, girls of my IQ generally don't give a shit about what they look like and what other people, particularly boys, think about them. They pretty much only care about how many A's end up on their report card. For me, that's important too, but I like boys and makeup and other girly things normally reserved for the 'normal' percentage of the population. Normal plus nerd for me is perfectly normal, but for them, it's like trying to mix oil and water.

Sometimes I wish I was more nerdy. I wish that every boy I saw didn't become the next Adonis. Sometimes I even miss that 'boy-germs' stage I went through when I was about eight years old. Sometimes I get sick of pretending I don't give a shit...sometimes I wish I *genuinely* don't give a shit.

Relations, Connections...

Mood: hungry
Listening to: 'White Horse' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: tom yum noodles

The great thing I like about movies and books, and songs, I guess, is that in a good book or movie or song, you can always relate to one element, one character. For example, in He's Just Not That Into You, I am definitely Gigi, and maybe a bit of Conor. Who are you? I hope you're not Ben.

So, leave a movie in the comments, and, if I've watched it and if I remember it, I'll tell you what character I relate with best (Hint: I've watched all the movies I've reviewed here (http://au.rottentomatoes.com/user/578546/reviews/), at Rotten Tomatoes.) And when you watch a movie, don't just watch it for the poofs and bangs. Put yourself in a character's shoes. It's fun.

Looking forward to your comments...

Shakespeare...

Mood: meh
Listening to: 'The Othello Rap' by the Reduced Shakespeare Company
Hungry for: nothin

Hilarious American company called The Reduced Shakespeare Company. Here are my favourites: Romeo and Juliet and 'The Othello Rap'.

The Othello Rap:



Romeo and Juliet Part One:



Romeo and Juliet Part Two:

Summer Watching List

Mood: stoned...
Listening to: 'I Want You to Want Me' by Save Ferris or whatever the hell it's called
Hungry for: don't know. don't care.

I know, I know, for most of my readers it's dead winter, but it's summer over here, and because I have like zilch social life, I'm gonna get nice and personal with my TV set this summer. And the beach. And the refridgerator. I just scoffed down an entire mango, and because I don't normally condone this weird behaviour, the combination of strange eating and sleeping habits and my tendancy to go on movie-watching sprees when I'm bored and lonely is making me feel slightly under the weather.

So here is my list of movies I'll be watching this summer. Mostly rom-coms.:

He's Just Not That Into You
10 Things I Hate About You
Definitely, Maybe
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Mean Girls
Stick It

...that's all I can think of at the moment.

Things I won't be touching with a ten-foot pole:

Romeo and Juliet
Twilight
anything gooey and sticky and romantic

because these are just too hard to stomach at the moment.

Your Life is About You.

Mood: heartbroken :(
Listening to: 'Things I'll Never Say' by Avril Lavigne
Hungry for: love...

So it's the end of school. I made it through another stinking year.

Okay, so it wasn't that bad. In some ways, it was pretty good. Very good, actually, better than I hoped. But in some aspects, I'm still at square one. I was a miserable twelve-year-old loser last year with no friends and no boyfriend, and now I'm a miserable thirteen-year-old loser with no friends and no boyfriend. Wow. Huge improvement.

I'm sick of everyone saying that I'm special, because special people aren't betrayed and crushed by best friends. Special people aren't used, and people don't say 'let's just be friends' to special people. That's just that. Special people are fawned over and adored and people fight over special people. My mum doesn't count, so I'm not a special person. There is no such thing as a special loser.

This year, I've gained friends, I've lost pretty much all of them, I've fallen in love and had my heart broken in ways unimaginable. I guess my marks have picked up, but no-one wants to hear about the smart chick with no social life. Most teachers hate me, anyway, it's just that they can't see any way to fail me, so they just have to give me passes and concede with poor grace.

My advice for people going into high school next year? Only go against the norm if you've got guts and you've got balls, because no-one is going to be there for you if you go against the grain. If you haven't got the stomach to spend years alone and lonely, then just stick to the status quo.

High school is not as exciting as things seem, and it's not really a fresh start - ghosts from the past come back to haunt you. And no matter what, you're still the same person, and people still perceive you the same way. You're not going to turn from geek to chic overnight.

But when you think that the whole school has turned against you, when you feel like nothing's right, and everything's wrong, remember that you don't really need high school friends. Sure, they're useful if you want a shoulder to cry on, but eventually you learn to cry on your own shoulder. True high school friends are a lot rarer than you think, and most people are only friends for social status purposes. When you strike it big and they're just check-out chicks and drug-addicted barmaids, they'll try and warm up to you. Trust me. And remember that, no matter how frustrating it is, no matter how lonely and unloved you feel, you don't really need a high school boyfriend. After all, all those high school sweetheart stories that end happily ever after only affect a very small percent of the population. For most of us, you fall in love long before someone actually returns the favour, genuinely and sincerely. And even though friends and boyfriends seem like your whole life now, and the absence of them is the end of the world, it's not. Because your life is about you - and that's the most important lesson I've learned this year. You can't depend on other people to make you feel better, you have to learn to depend on yourself, and to make yourself more trustworthy. So don't worry about what other people think, and don't worry about what people say and what people do to you. Just have faith in yourself.

And here's a message to all those people who think I'm stuck up, self-centered and selfish - here's a newsflash. I blame that all on you. I could never trust any of you, because all you did was let me down and break my heart. So of course my whole life centers on me now. I don't have the time, or the patience, for love to any degree now. I've only just got enough energy to pull myself through school in one piece and hopefully strike it big. I can't afford to let my heart break again.

Because, in the end, my life is about me. I can't blame any failures on any of you so called 'friends', so I'm not going to credit any successes to you either. I've learned the hard way that I'm in this alone, and that any mistakes or triumphs have to be my own making. So you can say that I'm selfish and self-centered and heartless, that's fine. There are no prizes for being the World's Greatest Doormat, the World's Nicest Friend, except to get trodden on. Except for a small handful of very special people outside my family - and they know who they are - all my other friendships are the most unrewarding things I've ever done, and all I do is get hurt in the end. And I'm tired of falling in love over and over again, hoping that 'this time will be different', because it never is. All of my relationships, or failed attempts at a relationship, are just different variations to the same story of pain and heartbreak. So love is no longer high up on my priorities. At least not now. I don't think I can take another slew of sleepless, teary nights.

I've got that small handful of friends that I love and trust, and one day, maybe I'll have a slightly bigger network of friends who are keepers for life. Maybe, one day, I'll meet a guy who won't play with my heart, and maybe, one day, I'll look back and say that all those tears, all that pain, all that heartbreak, was worth it.

Maybe, one day. Until then, I just have to let go and walk away.

10 Things I Hate About You.

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way youre always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when youre not around,
And the fact that you didnt call.
But mostly I hate the way I dont hate you,
Not even close,
Not even a little bit,
Not even at all.
- Kat Stradford in Ten Things I Hate About You.

I love this poem. I really, really love this poem.

But the thing is, as good as this movie is, it's still too...cinematic. Not realistic at all. Why? Because about three seconds after the scene when Kat reads this, she makes up with Patrick Verona, the boy she wrote the poem about, the boy who broke her heart. Because Patrick liked her. Because love, as always in movies, is a two way thing, and even if it isn't in scenario one, it always is in scenario two.

Why is love a one way thing? What's so good about those other girls? What's so bad about me?

I hate the line 'lets just be friends'
I hate the line 'I hope our friendship never ends'
I hate it when you date other girls,
I hate it so much it makes my hair curl,
I hate the fact that I mean nothing to you,
I hate the fact you mean so much to me,
I hate it when you expect me to always help you,
I hate it when you're never there for me.

I hate it when you blackmail,
I hate it when you lie,
I hate it when you make me feel guilty,
I hate it when you make me cry.
I hate how much I love you,
I hate how little you love me,
I hate how things turn out the way you want,
Never how I want things to be.

msn block scare.

Mood: freaked out.
Listening to: 'Who's That Girl' by Hilary Duff
Hungry for: Indian...

I went on one of those 'check who's blocked you on msn' sites just now, just for the fun of it. What else are you supposed to do when you're waiting for nail polish to dry?

And then the email address of one of my closest friends popped up on the list of 'people who have deleted you'.

I almost had a heart attack.

So, don't go on those sites. They give you heart attacks. I went on another one that said that he hadn't deleted me, so, boy with the Apple and Safari, you better not have.

Sorry for the randomness of this post.

Hypocritical.

Mood: frustrated
Listening to: 'Umbrella' by Rihanna feat. Jay-Z
Hungry for: I don't know. Friendship. Love. Acceptance. Pizza. Anything.

I hate hypocrites.

A lot of people, who have all the tact in the world, often ask me bluntly "Why do you have no friends?".

Because that's what all nice, normal, friendly people do to display nice, normal, friendly behaviour.

I'm not going to waste everybody's time by claiming I'm the most popular girl to walk the planet, because I know that's not true. I'm not even going to waste my time explaining that I do have friends, just not as many as most people do, and that I do love them, a lot. I just want to say that you can't blame me for being unfriendly if you're the one that doesn't return my calls. You can't say that I'm the unsociable one when you ignore me when I say 'hi'. You can't say that I don't try when I try so hard and all you do is push me away.

Because, newflash everybody, but I am a normal person. Before I becamse a rebellious i-don't-care girl, before I became Lady Renegade, all I wanted was love and acceptance. I know Lady Renegade doesn't care about that kind of stuff, but I still do. I still crave it so much it makes me cry.

So don't you dare tell me I'm a cold heartless bitch, because that's exactly what *you* are. You're just a cold, heartless bitch. Do you think I got where I am by choice? What do you think this is, some kind of publicity stunt?

Two-Faced

The boy I love has two faces,
One that smiles at me,
One that jeers at others.
The boy I love has two hearts,
One that is here,
One that is gone.

The boy I love has two sides,
One happy,
One eerily dark.
The boy I love has two minds,
One I love,
One they hate.

The boy I love has two faces,
One always eclipses the other for me.
The boy I love has two souls...
One for them, and one for me.

So here I am at school...

Mood: hungry...:(
Listening to: 'I Heart Question Mark' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: fooooood.....

So here I am, blogging at school. It's the first time I've done this.

There's really nothing interesting to talk about when you're hungry, you're dying to talk to a particular someone, but he's surrounded by a particular group of people who freak me out, in a noisy cafeteria. You can hear every conversation here, but somehow, people think that this is THE PLACE for private chit-chats. Because the truth is, here, you're just one of the many. To him, to her (perhaps especially to him), I am just a student. Just a number. Just some digit in the system.

It's so humid today you can practically smell it - the dampness of unfallen rain and sweaty high-schoolers...and of course, the lingering scent of deodorant that is forever present. You can smell the bleach from the cafeteria and, ever so faintly, the new paint and the smell of fresh paper in the library. You can smell the strange smell that air-cons always seem to have here...even the walls have their own scent. It's fascinating, just sitting here and typing. After all, I don't really pay attention to what my hands are doing. I just look, and somehow I translate that into words.

Faces loom, some familiar, some not, and I hear random words out of the general buzz. I can't hear the voice I want to hear, but that's okay. It's not really an addiction, it's an indulgence that I don't get as much as I like.

It seems strange, blogging here in the open. I normally blog at home, on my private computer, so my unrefined thoughts are personal, private, before they are published to the world. But in a way, it's more secure here, because no-one cares what anyone is doing o the computer. In fact, it would be slightly creepy if people did care. I mean, my computer screen is being watched by security, but in this day and age you forget that 'security' means that some random stranger that you don't even know is barging into your personal space. It just means reality.

I don't care if people don't like my thoughts. I don't even care if I don't like my thoughts. Because my thoughts are mine, it's just that people read some of them here. It's not my fault if they don't agree.

So I'm not afraid.

I'm Yours

Mood: excited!
Listening to: 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz
Hungry for: pizza...



Lol!

Tempestuous.

Mood: tempestuous ;)
Listening to: 'Your Anything' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for:...water? juice?

Okay, I've changed my blog name again, in honour of one of my new favourite movies, 10 Things I Hate About You. So, in a way, this is also a tribute to the great Heath Ledger, who has a starring role in this remake of William Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew.

The word 'tempestuous' comes from a scene when the 'shrew', Kat Stradford (Julia Stiles) is at a very unproductive counselling session with the school's guidance counsellor, who is more interested in writing disgusting imagery for her erotic novel than the mental welfare of the students. The counsellor says that she's getting a reputation, and Kat asks whether it's for being 'tempestuous'. The guidance counsellor replies that 'heinous bitch' is the more common term for her behaviour.

Either way. Kat is cool, and she got Patrick Verona.

I always lose it.

I always lose it. I always blow it. I always push them too far.

I'm sorry.

Forgiveness.

Mood:wistful...
Listening to: Breathe by Taylor Swift

I think forgiveness is something that is just expected, these days. It's like sure, I mucked up, whatever, can you just forgive me already?

I don't forgive that easily - well, I didn't. I used to say that I 'hardly ever forgive, and never forget'...and that was true, once. And it used to be so easy to hold grudges, to never forgive, to let them beg and grovel and still remain as cold as ice. I used to be good at that.

But now, it's not so easy to hold my head high. I'm not softening, I'm weakening. Buckling under pressure, the subtle emotional blackmail of love.

I used to think it's so easy to hate, and so difficult to love.

Now it's so easy to love, and so difficult to hate.

My Life Would Suck Without You

Mood: happy...at last.
Listening to: My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson
Hungry for: not hungry for the first time in six months...

Those Three Days

This post is dedicated to Those Three Days.

I used to look back at those three days with tears,
But now I look back with a small, sad smile;
I look back at the kind of bliss and contentment you gave me,
The kind of happiness I've never known.
I don't think about how it ended anymore,
I just think about my little piece of heaven.
Those three days...
I wish there were more.
It was a prologue...
Without a book to follow.
A title without a song.

Playlist:

Our Song, Taylor Swift
Love Story, Taylor Swift
Your Anything, Taylor Swift
Where Did I Go Right?, Hilary Duff
Let it Rain, JoJo
You Belong With Me, Taylor Swift

The Ten Things All Guys Should Know About Girls.

Mood: crazy :P
Listening to: Crazy Chick by Charlotte Church
Hungry for: luv...:D

I've always found it so funny that all my guyfriends know so little about girls - and this ignorance is always a recipe for disaster.

So here is the lowdown. The ten things you seriously need to know about girls.

1. Girls like to talk. A lot. Most of the time we try to remember our audience, but occaisionally we'll wander off into less familiar topics to the male mind, such as makeup, shopping and feelings. Despite the fact you may not get a word of this, it's important to listen if you don't want to get dumped.\

2. Girls are deep, meaningful creatures who like deep, meaningful things. Boys, to us, are a bit shallow when it comes to this, so try and break the stereotype here.

3. Just because a girl uses makeup doesn't mean she's high maintenance - it just means she's a girl. Most boys I know tell me that they don't like a girl who wears makeup, but they don't like an ugly girl either - and in this day and age when expectations on women are ridiculously high, you can't have it both ways. Even your most goddess-like au naturel girl probably wears concealer every now and again.

4. Girls are taught a lot of things about how to attract guys, and the sad thing is we listen to all of it - although we're not really good at following directions printed in magazines. So if a girl is all warm and chatty one minute and then a cool ice queen the next, it's because we're trying really hard and epically failing. I know it's confusing, but, live with it.

5. If a girl is having a hard time sometimes all she wants to do is moan - boys like solutions, girls just like sympathy. That's just that.

6. We're not hairfree and airbrushed all the time. We're not born supermodels.

7. Girls do eat, and fart, and smell when they forget their deodorant. But, believe me, boys eat more, fart more and stink more.

8. Breakups are done in person, privately, and sensitively. Just because you've gotten bored with her doesn't mean she feels the same way. Texting, ridiculing in public, over the phone or on IM is simply not an option. It's like murdering someone over the internet. Have the balls to do it in person.

9. Dragging a girl to the footy (unless she's really into that kind of stuff) is like a man being dragged into a shopping mall and being forced to watch her pore over clothes and shoes and bags and makeup. These things are best done with mates of the same sex.

10. Girls love, and girls need love.

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

Mood:moody :(
Listening to: 'I'm Only Me When I'm With You' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: anything...

To the person I always dedicate songs to:



Friday night beneath the stars,
In a field behind your yard;
You and I are painting pictures in the sky.

And sometimes we don't say a thing,
Just listen to the crickets sing;
Everything I need is right here by my side.

And I know everything about you,
I don't wanna live without you...

I'm only up when you're not down,
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground;
It's like, no matter what I do...
Well you drive me crazy half the time,
The other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true...
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

Just a small town boy and girl,
Living in the crazy world;
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true.
And I don't try to hide me tears,
My secrets or my deepest fears;
Through it all nobody gets me like you do.

And you know everything about me,
You say that you can't live without me...

I'm only up when you're not down,
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground,
It's like, no matter what I do...
Well you drive me crazy half the time,
The other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true...
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

When I'm with anybody else,
It's so hard to be myself...
Only you can tell...

That I'm only up when you're not down,
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground;
It's like, no matter what I do...
Well you drive me crazy half the time,
The other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true...
And I'm only me...
Who I wanna be...
Well I'm only me when I'm with you.
With you.

Mistake

One of my favourite songs - Mistake by Stephanie MacIntosh.

Rushin' way too fast,
Why do I always do this?
Thinkin' this might last,
How could I be so stupid?
But this time,
I'm not okay, no
I need to breathe again.

'Cause I don't want to...

I don't want to make another mistake like you,
And I don't want to hate,
But love doesn't get me through.
'Cause I can be alone again,
No, I don't want to make another mistake...like you.

Stone cold and hurt inside,
Not how I wanted to be.
I don't sleep,
It's kinda hard when you cry;
Yeah, that's where you left me.
But this time,
I'm not alright, no
I need to find someone...

'Cause I don't want to...

I don't want to make another mistake like you,
And I don't want to hate,
But love doesn't get me through.
And I can be alone again,
No, I don't want to make another mistake like you.

Don't wanna be caught in the moment that never comes;
Is it too much to ask that real love could find me?
I won't get stung
I'll find the one...

But I don't want to make another mistake like you,
And I don't want to hate,
But love doesn't get me through.
'Cause I can be alone again,
No, I don't want to make another mistake...
I don't want to make another mistake like you,
And I don't want to hate,
But love doesn't get me through.
'Cause I can be alone again,
No, I don't want to make another mistake...

yeah, communitychannel and i think on the same wavelengths...

Mood: hungry
Listening to: "Mistake" by Stephanie McIntosh
Hungry for: dinner!

This is what I mean about the 'msn thing' (or the IM thing if you're American):



Seriously.

Another thing that is touched on in that vid that also bugs me to no end is when teachers say that I'm not living up to potential. Because, the things is, I have four kinds of teachers: the teachers who teach subjects that I try really hard at and give me nice comments in my report, the teachers who teach subjects I don't try hard at but give me nice comments because they're retarded and don't know I could do 200% better, the teachers who teach subjects that I try really hard at but give me lousy comments and give my parents the whole 'Lady Renegade is not reaching her potential' crap, and, the rarities, the teachers who teach subjects that I don't try really hard at, and therefore are well within their rights to moan about my test results.

Oh, and if you're a teacher that reads this, then YOU DON'T FIT INTO THE LAST CATEGORY. Don't flatter yourself.

I mean, I know most teachers don't know what they're talking about when they say all that potential garbage. I've had teachers who have said that I am working brilliantly when in fact I do all the homework at about three in the morning, guessing half of it and copying the rest, and I've had other teachers who just can't accept I'm not good at pi and the periodic table. For most teachers, when they say that, it's just a bluff. They just want to show the world that they know what they're talking about when they don't, and they want to show the world that I'm a lazy fat-arse Asian. Of course, that is exactly what I am, but only I am allowed to say that.

I'm sorry I haven't been posting super regularly, and I know my posts haven't been super interesting either. But a couple of things have been annoying me lately, like...

my eyeshadow that seems to wear off every six seconds.

my lipgloss that isn't behaving. I squeeze it for half an hour and nothing comes out, and then when I'm just about to give up and give it one last pinch and then half the tube comes gushing out.

and other stupid things, like how my hair sticks to my lips when I've just glossed them, so I end up with deglossified lips and sticky hair, and how foundation peels off no matter *what* you do...

sigh. the trials or being a girl.

Or it could just be the trials of being Lady Renegade...

facebook.

Mood: reluctant
Listening to: '7 Things' by Miley Cyrus
Hungry for: anything

Okay, I give in.

I'm getting Facebook.

Don't expect either of them to be interesting.

People who randomly stop talking...and then sign out.

Mood: hungry
Listening to: 'I'm Only Me When I'm With You' by Taylor Swift
Hungry for: noodles

I know I'm not exactly the funnest person to talk to on msn, but seriously, I hate it when this happens:

Lady Renegade: hey
...Ten Minutes Later...
Lady Renegade: hey
*Lady Renegade sends a nudge*
RandomGit: hey
Lady Renegade: what up?
RandomGit: nm
...Twenty Minutes Later...
Lady Renegade: u there?
*RandomGit appears to be offline*

I mean, seriously. I'm not that bad.

Or, this happens:

*RandomGit has just signed in*
Lady Renegade: hey!
*RandomGit appears to be offline*
...Ten Minutes Later...
*RandomGit has just signed in*
Lady Renegade: hey!
*RandomGit appears to be offline*

Yeah, nice talking to you too.

Team...?

As a Twilighter, the most common question you get asked by other Twilighters is: Are you Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Switzerland?

For all you non-Twilighters there, Team Edward is, obviously, a group of people who believe Bella made the right choice staying with Edward, and Team Jacob is a group of people who believe that Bella should have gone to Jacob. Team Switzerland are people who either like Edward and Jacob equally, hate Edward and Jacob equally, seriously don't care about the love triangle, or people who don't want to start World War Three amongst the obsessed Edward freaks and the people who drool for Jacob.

When I first got into the series, I was, no doubt, Team Edward. Jacob was a seriously annoying character to me, and, at that time, Edward was pretty much synonymous to my perfect man. For me, at that time, it was a no-brainer.

But as I grew, as I fell in love more often and had my heart broken more and more deeply, I started to see Jacob's point of view. Jacob, after all, is an annoying character, but he can't help it. He wants what he can't have, he's in love with a girl who's boyfriend is the most formidable love opponent in the history of the world. I hate to admit it, but I was pretty much in his shoes at one point, and, sadly I still am in many ways.

But now, I'm kind of in the middle. Team Switzerland, I guess. Instead of sympathizing with Edward, or with Jacob, I now sympathize with Bella. I know what it's like to be in love with someone who's not exactly good for you (and I know what it's like to be in love with someone as white as a ghost. Lol.), and I know how hard it is to be in love with a friend, but never able to fully love him, openly.

I used to think, poor Edward. Jacob must seriously be annoying. Then I thought, poor Jacob. His situation must be so heartbreaking.

Now, I think...poor Bella, her situation must be so...confusing.

7 Things

Dedicated to the boy who lives in Perth, has an Apple Mac and uses Safari...

Why?

It is so disgusting, in this day and age, that feminism is frowned upon in most societies.

I mean, this isn't the middle ages. This 2009.

Because, face the facts, men and women are far from equal. Anyone who thinks that we are now equal and that feminists should keep their mouths shut should think of all those women in places like Africa, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and all those other places where women are silenced and their rights abused and non-existant. You think about every single one of those women before you say that women now have their rightful place in this world. You think about women, even in the most civilized and sophisticated of societies, who's rights are still not equal to that of men's.

The common assumption is that all feminists are agressive, power-hungry bitches who won't stop until all men have been suppressed to slavery. And trust me, I've heard all of it: feminists hate men, feminists are all lesbians, feminists all hate children...I've heard all of this said to my face, and it's disgusting. We don't call any other group of people degratory terms like that, simply because they fight for what they believe in. It's all very well to say that men were born to rule and that it is a woman's place to listen and be obedient, but you put yourselves in our shoes. We didn't ask to be born women - in fact, I've openly admitted that I'd much rather have been born a man. So why should we be punished for something that is out of our control?

Me? I'm a feminist, and bloody proud of it. I'll be a feminist to the day I die. I'll be a feminist whilst every fucking bastard who is a fucking male chauvinist contaminates perfectly good air by breathing.

I'm a feminist no matter what.

It's the little things that make me think big...

...do men use shampoo? I hardly ever see men in the shampoo aisle, and I have never in my life seen a man pick up a bottle of shampoo and put it in their basket.

...who can you discuss acne treatments with? You can't discuss it with people who have acne, because, firstly, they haven't found a very good cure yet and therefore any acne-related discussion with them is pointless, and secondly, most people I've met that have acne are convinced they have a flawless baby-bum cmplexion - a very dubious and debateable claim, but they believe in it so religiously and fanatically I decide most of the time not to burst their little bubble. And you can't really talk about acne with people who don't have it - because, most people my age who don't have acne (lucky bitches) have probably never had a spot in their lives, and probably never will.

...have you ever noticed it's the little things that piss teachers off the most? The things that don't really matter, like if a student is wearing the wrong coloured socks or if they arrive six and a half milliseconds late for class. I mean, do these things really matter? No, they don't. But teachers get so wound up about them. If it wasn't seriously annoying, it is actually quite funny.

...why do people get so worked up over swear words? As a little kid, I never used to get it, and I don't think I do now or ever will. I mean, they're just words, you know, just sounds. Just random things you do with your mouth and tongue and voicebox. I mean, it's not the word itself that is offensive, it's whatever crazy shit we have come to associate with it.

...whoever put me on this earth as a fat asian kid was a twit. Seriously. I mean, this movie called Life...who the hell cast this thing?

...why is it that the guy always has to ask out the girl? I mean, I've never seen a relationship work out when it's the girl that does the asking, which is quite unfair. It just shows that guys are too...I don't know. Unaccomodating. So, the girl who asked you out wasn't exactly the one you were looking for. Who cares? You might not even know what you were looking for in the beginning, and this girl could be perfect for you. I mean, we always get asked out by random guys that we wouldn't really consider perfect boyfriend material, but most of them are actually quite nice. Most of them. Some of them are just jerks.

...It's always intrigued me how much the world is so obsessed with what other people think. I mean, it's their fault they burst into tears when you say 'your hair looks nice' to them, not yours. Why are we so uptight about these things? Why are we so upset when someone blows up over nothing? It's their loss. I mean, social etiquette and taboos suck. They contradict our free lives.

And there are a few of the many little things that make me think big.

Couple Envy...

I know most people kind of forget about those miserable bachelors and irritable spinsters when they're madly in love, but seriously...

Don't.

Okay, I know that's a pretty hypocritical comment, because for the entire 8 days I have ever been a girlfriend in my life I get pretty oblivious to the woes of being single, but seriously...

It's insanely annoying.

I mean, is it really so hard to stay away from each other when other people are around? It's like, common courtesy, isn't it? It's like, if you've got something really exxy that you know your best friend can't afford, you don't go flaunting the fact you have one and she doesn't right in front of her povvo face.

Same thing.

So, because couples make me feel intensely uncomfortable, I return the favour. Seriously - the greatest fun is bugging the shit out of couples, tagging along and acting like a whiney five year old. Most people think that I'm just clueless, but, trust me, I'm not. I'm just very good at payback.

And just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you abandon everything else. Because, family is forever, friends are whatever, best friends stay together, and boys are heartbreakers.

Me:

I look like...Cho Chang/Ugly Betty

I dress like...Bella Swan/Alice Cullen/Rosalie Hale/Hermione Granger/Ginny Weasley

I eat like...Augustus Gloop

My perfect man is...Edward Cullen (if he looked like Jacob he'd be *perfect*)

I'm crazy like...Alice Cullen

I'm boy-crazy like...Lavander Brown/Romilda Vane/Ginny Weasley

I'm a shopaholic like...Alice Cullen

I'm a hopeless romantic like...Elizabeth Bennett

I'm clumsy and a magnet for trouble like...Anne Shirley

I wish I looked like...Bella Swan/Hermione Granger/Ginny Weasley/Alice Cullen/Rosalie Hale/Leah Clearwater...anyone, really...

I am...Lady Renegade.

...It's because he's a boy...

Whenever a boy would treat me like dirt (and believe me, a lot of my *friends* have treated me like dirt) my friends and family would always say: 'Don't worry about it. You can't even blame him...it's because he's a boy'.

Put aside the fact that it's horribly degratory (I'm debating whether degratory is a word at the moment) and sexist, isn't it horribly, I dunno, unfair? It's like boys get let off the hook for all the crazy shit some of them do, because of their sex. If you look at it from a masculist perspective, it's horribly unfair to boys as well, like they're not expected to do any better. And believe me, I expect a lot from boys, and I think 'it's because he's a boy' is a lousy excuse. But they say it all the time!

And they say it to whatever things boys get up to, and, trust me, some of the boys round here get up to the worst: dumping online, cheating and then admitting it, pulling the whole 'we can still be friends' after ripping a girl's pride up and strewing it across the streets...

I mean, seriously. Having someone you love dump you and saying 'we can still be friends' is like having your dog die and your mum saying 'you can still keep it'. The sooner guys learn that, the better.

Another thing that bugs me:

Those classic, horribly stereotypical remarks like: 'She's pretty smart...for a blonde' or 'She's incredibly good looking...for an Asian'. Like they don't expect blondes to be smart (okay, most dumb people I've met are blonde, but that doesn't mean most blonde people I've met are dumb), or that Asians aren't pretty. I mean, can we just put aside the sex, race and appearance of someone? Someone is either pretty, or not pretty. Not 'pretty for a 24 year old' or 'pretty...considering what her sister looks like', just plain pretty.

Why is that so hard to comprehend?

Some minor layout changes...

The 'Followers' List is now the FBI'S OFFICIAL LIST OF THE CRAZIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, or words to that effect (can't remember).

My blog archive now dates oldest to newest as apposed to newest to oldest (because a blog should be read as it was written - oldest to newest), and is now called 'random ramblings', because that is what they are.

I've also decided that 'About Me' is too boring and lame so I've made it a bit more pokeynuts.

The Feedjit thing is now The Stalkerific Thing That Now Dictates My Life, because it's true! I obsessively compulsively study it when I have nothing else to do. I know where you sleep, I know how you got here, I know everything there is to know about you and everything that isn't there to know about you...

Just joking.

But seriously....

Cheap Chinese.

In Australia, Chinese food has a notorious reputation for being dirt-cheap and a perfect choice for nights out on a tight budget.

I'm not entirely convinced that's a very good reputation to have, but because the steady stream of middle class people keep Chinese restaurants full to the brim with good business, the Chinese don't complain.

The thing is, to a Chinese person, Chinese food is not cheap. Chinese food is fairly priced, and Western food is just damn expensive. Besides, the Chinese restaurants that Western people go to are far from cheap or good anyway, for our standards.

The thing is, you don't pick out a Chinese restaurant the way you pick out a Western restaurant. When you pick out a Western restaurant, you look at the decor. It should have nice lighting, stylish interiors and sexy furnishing. All of this stuff in a Chinese restaurant gives the impression that they're trying to make up for the less-than-sexy food.

Then you look at the menu. The menu should be clean, professionally-printed, and typo-free, and should have the fancy, haven't-got-a-clue-what-the-hell-that-is names of the dishes listed, and underneath a detailed description which, behind all the fancy names and enticing adjectives, really doesn't tell you much. In a Chinese restaurant, this standard of English and professionalism is just creepy. All this stuff is appealing to Westerners, not Chinese people. The lack of typos and the flamboyant language shows the lack of authenticity - after all, a good customer shouldn't really understand the English part of the menu anyway.

The authenticity, or the distinct lack of it, can be most easily discovered by looking at the customers. A big family or group, especially one that doesn't speak English and has lots of old people in it, is a good sign of Asian authenticity. Asians who don't speak English generally don't settle for substandard food from their motherland, and all old folks are picky, and picky people don't go to crap restaurants. Authentic restaurants have authentic (i.e crazily cheap) prices, which means Westerners stay away from these kind of places. Authentic restaurants are generally small, generally shabby, generally have waiters who speak fluent garbage and broken English, and generally have a menu which is in Chinese and pin-yin, and therefore incomprehensible to the non-Chinese speaking person.

In Singapore, to get the best food from a hawker place there is one simple, basic rule: Join the biggest queue. The same holds true for Chinese restaurants here. Don't go for the big, grand one with the big, grand furnishings and the big, grand name - because, it will most likely be a big, grand fail. Join the smallest, noisiest, loudest, most boisterous place you can find.

What can you say? I'm proud of being a small, noisy, loud, boisterous Chinese.

...back to normal.

Okay, back to normal posting now. Sorry about the sudden halt in the post flow, I'm just...going through a rough time at the moment.

Anyway.

If you're a young person like me, do you ever feel...lost in the crowd? Sometimes I feel like when I talk, no-one's listening. Like my opinions and thoughts are irrelevant to decisions made for you about your life, by other people. It's like I'm caught between the world of children and the world of adults, and my opinion just isn't taken seriously.

I try to stand tall and not be a pushover to old farts trying to take over my life, but it's so hard. I try and be big and brave and strong, but sometimes I feel so...small.

As much as I am an advocate of women's and children's rights, I am also a huge supporter of youth rights movement. After all, we are the ones who have to save the world from all the shit our parents got us into. When all you old folks are blissfully rotting away in cemeteries we'll be desperately trying to pull this crazy chaos called society together. Some thanks might be nice, you know, some gratitude for what we have to do, some sympathy about the huge task ahead. But no.

People dismiss the voice of the young people as being uneducated, naive and ignorant, but seriously, people understimate what young people can do. They underestimate what young energy and young passion can drive young people to do.

I'm just telling you this now: don't.

The Playlist of K

So...I'm really sorry for not properly posting for such a long time - I noticed I'm losing readers...eek...but I'm just not in the right frame of mind to blog at the moment.

So here is the Playlist of K (there's no particular order):

1. You're Not Sorry, Taylor Swift
2. Should've Said No, Taylor Swift
3. Picture to Burn, Taylor Swift
4. My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne
5. If I Were A Boy, Beyonce
6. Too Little Too Late, Jojo
7. White Horse, Taylor Swift
8. I'm Not Missing You, Stacie Orrico
9. What Hurts The Most, Rascal Flatts
10. How To Save A Life, The Fray

So there you go.

Once again, I must apologise for having such a long gap between posts. The thing is, everything that has happened between then and now is too personal - and, I must admit, too painful - to write about, although I'm sure it would have been a very interesting, juicy read.

Maybe not.

My life is like a soap opera at the moment, with too-dramatic-to-believe climaxes and sudden endings that leave you with this horrible sense of emptiness. And then, just like all those crappy shows that they force you to watch during midday tv whilst you wait impatiently for prime time, things just randomly pick up again - and then end with a tragic cliffhanger.

Because I haven't got the guts to explain in all the gory detail exactly what went right - and what went wrong - about my weekend, I'll let Taylor Swift do the talking. If you listen to these songs in order, you might get the gist.

1. Teardrops on My Guitar
2. I'd Lie
3. You Belong With Me
4. Crazier
5. Our Song
6. You're Not Sorry
7. Picture To Burn
8. White Horse

Can you believe it? Eight songs in three days.

Crazy...

ThatRachGirl.

Please invite me to your new blog. It's driving me nuts.

I will add you to Splinters and all of that ASAP.

Arwen Burns

Thanks to my stalkerific gadgets, I've found out that most of the Americans who stop by have all come from google after searching 'arwen burns'.

Out of pure curiousity, can someone please tell me what that is all about?

Thanks.

See, this is why optimistic writing sucks.

As I predicted, no comments on my latest, happy-shoes post. As emo as this sounds, the best writing is truly negative, and as much as I would love to change that, that's just that.

I mean, unless you have something truly inspirational and awe-inspiring to write about, positive writing just comes across as cheesy, tacky, obnoxious...etc.

Which brings me to a story that I have found truly inspirational: It's called The Miller, His Son and Their Donkey, or various variations to that effect. It shows how you can spend your entire life trying to please the world, and end up with nothing, not even a pleased world.

Here is one version of it:

The Miller, His Son and Their Donkey

"I shall have to sell that donkey of ours," said a miller to his son. "I can not afford to keep him through the winter. I will take him to town this very morning to see if I can find a buyer. You may go with me." In a little while the miller, his son, and the donkey were on their way to town.
They had not gone far when they met some girls going to a party. They were talking and laughing as they went along. One of them said, "Look at that man and boy driving a donkey. One of them surely might ride."
The miller heard what they said, and quickly made his you mount the donkey, while he walked along at its side.
After a while they came to a group of old men who were talking very earnestly. "There," said one, "I was just saying that boys and girls have no respect for the aged. You see it is true in this case. See that boy riding while his old father has to walk."
"Get down, my son," said his father, "and I will ride." So they went on.
They next met some women coming from town. "Why!" they cried, "your poor little boy is nearly tired out. How can you ride and make him walk?" So the miller made his son ride on the donkey behind him.
They were now in town. A man coming down the street called to the miller, "Why do you make your donkey carry such a load? You can carry him better than he can carry you."
At this the miller and his son got off the donkey. They tied the donkey's legs together, turned him over on his back; and began to carry him.
A crowd soon gathered to see the strange sight. As they were crossing a bridge the donkey became frightened at the hooting of the crowd. He broke loose, fell into the river, and was drowned.
The miller was angry and ashamed. He said, "There! I have tried to please everybody and have only made a fool of myself. After this I shall do as I think best and let people say what they will."

(from Fifty Famous Fables , by Lida Brown McMurry)

So who are you - the people who laugh and scorn at people who do things their way, the dumb miller, or the miller who realizes that there is no better way to do things than your way? Or, are you like me...the son?

Ten Things I Like About Me and My Life

1. I can write. I haven't met anyone who can deny that
2. I have all the basics - food, water, shelter, etc...
3. I have my awesome blog with my awesome readers
4. I have perfect pitch
5. I got to skip a grade in English - that does bring you a certain amount of status
6. I'm not dead and, with any luck, I won't be dead anytime soon
7. I have the most awesome outfit for the next social, which I hopefully won't miss like I did the last one.
8. Despite having no boyfriend, I have other loves in my life - food, music, family, friends...my computer...
9. Being single does have it's advantages - I can flirt and ogle at eye candy (c'mon, there is nothing cuter than a senior with a six-pack) as much as I like.
10. I have nice hair.

Oh, and lucky last: I love my mum.

So there you have it, I do love life after all.

Yeah...sorry about the enormous time gap.

I feel so bad that I haven't posted for so long, and when I finally did post if was something that probably didn't make sense to a lot of you. Especially seeing that now I have more readers than I ever dreamed possible.

The truth is, I've had nothing interesting to talk about that I can actually talk about on the big bad world of THE INTERNET. Because everything interesting is, firstly, too personal to talk about, and two, probably isn't interesting to anyone except me.

Also, I get a lot of complaints that I complain too much (I love the irony in that), that I bitch too much, that I'm too emo, and that I prefer to curl up in a ball and wallow in misery instead of actually trying to change my circumstances.

I would really like to set the record straight.

The only reasons why I complain so much on my blog is, firstly, I'm not allowed to complain anywhere else. If I complain at home I'm whinging and being petty. If I complain at school I'm disrespectful and insolent and then they threaten me with the usual: detention, disembowellment, decapitation...

And everyone needs an outlet. I'm sorry.

And for all those people who say I'm a bitch: seriously, you say that like it's a bad thing. I really have no problem being a bitch - or, at least, I don't have a problem being called a bitch. Because, after all, a bitch is a dog, dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees is part of nature, and nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment.

As for being too emo - well, I hate to be Little Johnny Raincloud here, but life isn't perfect, and neither is society. Everyone cracks under pressure. Besides, as emo as this sounds, the best pieces of writing I've seen are all on the negative - like lousy restaurants that get really bad reviews, or tragic romances. Writing is just good when it's negative - you can get really inventive with the adjectives. Or the curses and swearing. Either way.

And another video for you guys - an old vlog from my good friend (okay, I don't know her at all, I just love her videos) Natalie Tran, aka communitychannel. This particular video is called I like, I like, I like.

Oh, and just so you know, this video is quite old. The Victorian Bushfire Tragedy is over, well, at least, the fires are. The cleanup is still continuing.

Because We Listen to Older Generations...

...Homosexuality is a taboo and illegal in many parts of the world.

...Male chauvinism is spiralling crazily out of control and women are suffering the consequences of male dominance.

...There is still rascist prejudice against Blacks and Asians.

...People kill in the name of Gods that we all know don't really exist.

...People, cults and religions dictate our lives.

...Women are not allowed to go topfree when men are.

...It is legal to put an animal to sleep to release it from it's pain, but it's not legal to do so to a human being.

All these...rules, all these social norms and taboos, are passed down through generations when we are taught what is 'right'. Who cares if someone is black, or homosexual, or a woman? Why do people still kill in the name of God? If I were God I wouldn't be very impressed. Why are human rights still incredibly basic, yet still ignored, and the rights of women are going down the drain in many parts of the world?

Older generations are polluting the minds of free thinking youths, just as their elders polluted their minds when they were open and opinionated and young. I don't care how badly you were treated when you were young. I don't care how you think we have it so good. Society should be about making the world a better place for every man, woman and child, not deliberately degrading basic human, women and children's rights simply because your rights were ignored in the past and you want payback. How can the older generations get revenge by attacking innocent children? If you make our lives hell, is that justice in your eyes?

sorry i haven't updated in a while....

Okay, I have no clue who The Lion is, but welcome aboard anyway. Which reminds me:

About that 'Alone in the Crowd' post, let me please assure you that I do not just assume I will get into Oxford. Quite the contrary, I am actually not too sure about my chances of getting at all. But, stay optimistic, as always. I wrote that post in the heat of the moment and I didn't really look over it to see if it would sound...not to show-offy. I always have to do that - it's very annoying. I don't know if it's because I'm very tactless or you guys are just very touchy, or both.

But I must apologise for not posting for a while - unless you count that Cinderella clip, and I know most of you don't - but I simply couldn't think of anything to blog about that wouldn't bore to death - that's assuming that everything I write doesn't bore you to death in the first place. Also, it's been unbelievably busy at school, and I've been in The Mood - and whenever I write when I'm in The Mood people automatically think I'm depressed - which is not a very good assumption or reputation to have.

More later when I can think of something to write.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, a dream that you wish will come true.

The Importance of Homework (is Non-Existant)

Homework is another classic lose-lose situation.

Imagine you're a student - unless you are still one - again. Can you imagine, coming back from a hectic day full of stupid teachers and retarded detentions and yawn-worthy classes, all set for some nice Zen relaxation time...

Only to be greeted with a pile of overdue or due-in-the-next-six-seconds homework. Really lovely.

There is no point doing homework - teachers who give out homework don't know how to teach and just want us to do all of the learning by ourselves, or else are inhumane bastards who like watching us suffer. We don't mind a project every now and then, or recomendations on topics to study and websites to check out, but pages and pages of repetitive math sums and we-should-have-covered-this-in-class-but-we-didn't worksheets are just unfair. We go to school to study, not to waste six hours and do all the learning at home when we should be recovering and preparing ourselves for another day of school. Homework leads to sleep deprivation, stress, premature aging, depression, and a general negativity about school.

The ironic thing is, the more homework a teacher gives out the more he or she has to mark, and therefore the more grumpy he or she gets. They also complain and whinge and moan a hell of a lot more than the teachers who go easy on homework. So not only are students complaining and whinging and moaning about homework, so are the teachers. I mean, it's their fault in the first place - why give us such a crippling amount of homework. If it's a challenge just marking it you try *doing* it when you're young and restless. See what I mean? Classic lose-lose situation.

I know all you old folks are saying: Pah! so lazy. In our day, we had so much more homework than you young fellas. We wouldn't dream about complaining. Homework is just part of school.

But don't get all 'In our day' on me. The thing is, we're not 'in your day'. We're in MY day. in OUR day. Homework is an uncivilized, outdated, torturous and useless practice.

Poetry at it's Greatest.

You have to watch it from beginning to end. Watch it all the way. Okay?



So, to all those old farts that think we're just anorexic (or obese) little kids who sit around all day eating chips and watching TV, you're so. Fucking. Wrong.

Keeping Things to Yourself.

I really don't understand people who keep so much bottled up, and then blame me for not knowing and not apologizing when necessary. But seriously, I can't read minds.

I'm known for being very outspoken, and I sometimes garbage and complain a little bit, but I think it's healthy. That's why I created this blog, and Splinters in My Heart, for an outlet. Keeping things bottled up leads to depression and all of that shit. Do you want that? I didn't think so.

I mean, sometimes I accidentally offend people - partly culture clash and partly personality clash - and people don't bloody tell me what's wrong, and then get angry when I don't apologise. But I'm not wired like everyone else, and things that offend them really don't bother me, so I'm not exactly the best judge of whether or not something I say is offensive or not. People think I try to dodge apologies, but I don't. I just don't know. Seriously.

If you're one of the many people I've somehow accidentally offended, I'm sorry. But I would really appreciate it if you would tell me what was wrong, instead of giving me hell about it and telling the entire cosmos I'm a bitch (most of you have done that, and I know) and finding out what bothered you by one of your cranky, defensive friends. It's not exactly the best way to resolve a problem.

And I'm sorry if I garbage on a lot about my personal problems. I really do sympathise with whoever's on the unfortunate receiving end. It's just the only way I know how to heal myself.

Greed does get you somewhere.

I know all adults and teachers (two seperate species. One is annoying because they feel obligated to and the other is paid to be annoying) want us to be sweet, innocent children with fair looks and kind hearts, ignorant and innocent to greed, pride and envy.

But the thing is, in this world you need more than fair looks and a kind heart. You need determination, perseverance and spirit, all three of which are varying amounts of greed, pride and envy put together.

Without greed there is no will. We must be greedy for knowledge, we must be greedy to take what is there to be taken. Some people try and make it sound nice and say that we're 'eager' or 'thirsty' for knowledge, but it's all the same thing.

Without pride then you have no drive to do things, and nothing that can get injured so badly that it inspires you to rise above the possible, rise above the impossible, even. And without pride, you get no reward for your efforts.

Envy is also vital to push you forward - sometimes too much satisfaction can kill dreams. Envy gives you reason, gives you motive, gives you spirit.

I know schools can't teach that, so I'm telling you now.

Chauvinists.

I don't have a problem with men, because I know that we really don't have much say whether we're born X or Y. That's all up to fate.

I don't have a problem with masculists. I really don't. I'm a feminist, they're masculists, because I'm a woman and they're men. That's that. I live in Australia - we have to accept everyone.

The people who bother me the most are male chauvinists.

These are a bunch of idiots who are convinced that women cannot do anything, cannot understand anything, and cannot be anything.I mean, I know some people do degrade men a little, but these idiots are no better. I mean, I'm a feminist, but I respect that sometimes men are degraded a little by women, by other men, and by the law. I don't actively support the cause because I can't exactly empathize the situation, but I don't go - urgh! That's biased! That's sexist!

Because I know it's not.

If you're a male chauvinist, then I only have one thing to say to you: Fuck you. I hope when you die, you go to hell. And then come back as a woman.

Then you'll understand.

things adults tell us that don't make any sense.

1. Never give up.

The only thing worse than losing a battle is fighting a losing battle. It's a lose-lose situation. Not only are you an idiot for losing, you're an idiot for fighting in the first place. The whole fight or die situation is such a male oriented way of thinking - there are so many ways around that.

I believe that if it is a fight between two intelligent parties, no-one truly wins or truly loses. The loser always comes back and bites the winner on the bum. So, sometimes it is smart to accept defeat and seek revenge later. Which leads me to number two on my list:

2. Never seek revenge.

What kind of stupid advice is that? I'm atheist, non-religious, agnostic - whatever, I don't believe in God, or karma. I believe if you want revenge, you have to get revenge. And wanting revenge is normal, natural and healthy, no matter what they tell you. If someone's wronged you, then it's well within your rights to fight back in a way that they can't retaliate against.

3. Never lie.

If anyone tells you that, look them straight in the eyes and ask them if they've ever lied. If they say no, then they're lying. Simple as that.

4. Both sexes are equal now.

The treatment of the two sexes is not equal, and never will be. One, because there will always be sexist attitudes, and two, because it's simply not possible. We can't make men have babies or women have male ego problems, and that's that.

5. Your parents know what's best for you.

Trust me. No-one knows what's best for you, not even you. You are the only person who knows what you want, or at least what you think you want. That's all you'll ever get. No-one knows what's best for you, except you. If you don't know what's best for you, then tough.

Dodgy Advertising

One thing that always fascinated me is how manufacturors (or however the hell you spell that. Who the hell thought up such a stupid name?) use colours and language to give the illusion that their super-expensive flashy product is so much better than the cheaper, simpler-packaged product next to it.

And it's also always suprised me how people think they can get away with dodgy advertising.

For example, Neutrogena released a new skincare line called Rapid Clear or something like that, complete with a flashy advert featuring Vanessa Hudgens and the whole tacky 'do you wanna know my secret?' tagline. The whole idea is that these miracle products could produce visible results in eight hours, or you get your money back.

Obviously they started losing money real fast - I tried it, twenty four hours later and nothing happened - so they dropped the money back bit.

Then they dropped the eight hours bit.

I'm sorry, but isn't that a little bit obvious? They could have done that with a little more tact and subtlety, but obviously that's beyond salespeople these days. And, come to think of it, why would anyone bother making a miracle cure to acne? Because if they did launch a line that was so fast and so effective, then they'd be out of business. I mean, they invented the longest-lasting lightbulb ages ago and it's still glowing, but they haven't released it or it'll turn the lightbulb market upside-down. Apparently they invented the green car ages ago as well, but instead of releasing it and saving the environment, they decided to keep the cash flow going steady instead.

I don't know, it's almost like they're willing to see the end of the world, providing they die rich.

No comments...

...Okay, I know I blocked the use of Anonymous comments. But seriously, it's annoying! Can't you guys be a bit more adventurous?

Apparently not, because I've had no comments ever since I banned Anonymous. Lovely.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't be put off by the fact that you can't post comments as 'Anonymous' anymore. Actually, if you're smart, you can...

Written by a guy

There's this stupid email floating around called 'written by a guy' - it's all this soppy stuff about how girls look good without makeup in their pjs. Seriously, guys who think that watch too many chick flicks. We all don't wake up looking like Rachel McAdams, and the sooner guys get that fantasy out of their head the better. I always delete that email.

Because, I'm sorry, but I've never met a guy who would write anything like that, and so I don't really consider it a very accurate representation of the male population. I mean, all the guys I've known hate my guts and break my heart, or at the very best, like all my friends and gush about them endlessly whilst I have to listen. Very gentlemanly.

People say I have a very harsh and unforgiving view of men, and I probably do. But I don't make unreasonable judgements - my view has been influenced by all those bastards that I've met, and the noticeable absence of guys who might actually be a credit to their sex. So don't blame me, blame the friggin place where I live. Or blame men, if they're all like that. Because I really don't know.

All I want is one single guy to change my mind. Someone who can show me that somebody, somewhere, cares.

My Sassy Girl

I really recommend you watch either one of the two movies called My Sassy Girl, because I am really a lot like the 'Sassy Girl', except for the fact I haven't yet met the guy that puts up with my wackiness and loves me for it. And, think about this: I'm wacky without the help of tequila or soju.

If you're particularly daring and want some true authentic Korean flavour, try watching Yeopgijeogin geunyeo, which is the name of the Korean movie I fell in love with - My Sassy Girl. Or, if you're not so daring, you can try the American version, which is also called My Sassy Girl. It's lost all it's Korean charm, but hey, that's the American charm of it.

I can see many parallels between the Sassy Girl and me - I was once in love with a guy I thought was perfect for me, and then he left, and I was down in the dumps. But I haven't had the luxury of having another guy heal me - I had to do that myself. But I still believe that, one day, I'll meet my own Gyun-Woo, my own Charlie Bellow.

Until then, I have a life to live.

Mwahahahaha....

No more anonymous's!

Mwahahahaha....

Learned Response

One reason why I really hate modern-day society is that we are so restrained, not by laws so much, but by social taboos, and countless unspoken 'rules'. And the general unacceptance of anything deviating from normal and perfect.

And it's all a learned response, really. We do not really fear and hate gays, women, lesbians, blacks, etc., we are just learned to automatically have a certain response to them, to fit in. Maybe we don't really like chocolate or lollies or chips, but we learn from young to go wacko over them.

It is human nature to fear and dislike rejection, humiliation and exclusion, but seriously, sometimes we drive ourselves to the extremes. I've seen too many people throw their lives away to keep other people happy, to keep the world happy, but the cold truth is, people are never happy. The world is never happy. Whatever you give them, they always want more. The more you give the more they want, and the less they'll give back. However hard you try they always say that you don't try hard enough, however hard you fall they always expect you to pick yourself up.

Personally, I'm really sick of trying to live for other people. You only have one life to play with what you've got, so I'm just going for it. You never know when your world will come crashing down on you, you never know when you're going to kiss this wretched society goodbye. So just go for it. We have nothing to lose.

Blog problems.

Frequent Complaints:

I can't read the text on the black!

Blame your computer, not the black. Click view, and then text size, and make it bigger. If I can read it, so can you.

Your blog layout sucks!

'Your' is the operative word here. My blog. Enough said.

Your posts are too feminist!

So what are you doing here?

I can't watch the videos!

Most of my videos are YouTube based, so that's your computers problem. Oh, and the vid of my friends dancing is not embed anymore. So that doesn't work.

Any more complaints?

Things to Do if I Don't Post for a While.

As funny as it seems, I do have a life outside of my blog. So, if I haven't blogged for a very very very very long time, it's because I'm a normal human being.

Some other things you can do if you're so bored you want to read my blog but I havent posted anything new:

1. Go on Youtube - my favourites are communitychannel and nigahiga, or any Twilight parody.
2. Watch Queen Seon Duk - type 'viikii queen seon duk' into your search engine and you should come up with it. There are, so far, thirty-eight episodes, so have fun!
3. Do something - get your butt off the chair and do something productive. Like shower.
4. Make your own blog - and ask me to follow it. If it's good I will.
5. OFFICIALLY follow my blog - I'll make a deal - I'll post a vlog when I get fifty official followers.

Have fun!

Millipedes and Jellyfish

People have this idealized glory that Australian beaches are THE HOTNESS.

Some of them. Not all of them.

For one, the one near my house hasn't got soft smooth sand at all, instead the grains are kind of sharpened to kill. And jellyfish infested.

Jellyfish.

I hate jellyfish. And they get washed up onto the beach and all the hotness evaporates. Imagine stepping on one. Bleurgh.

Which means walking barefoot is out of the picture, so you can't walk around and feel the soft powdery deadly sharpness sand between your toes.

What a disappointment.

So you get bored of the beach and walk back up.

You can't do that barefooted either, because half the beach is a dog beach, which also means it's a dog-shit beach. Beware of landmines.

And if that wasn't bad enough, there are millipedes everywhere! Some as long as, oh, I don't know, just long. Very long. Black and creepy and wiggly and....

Bleurgh.

Which is why I don't understand why people come all the way here for our beaches. Seriously, I don't.

I DON'T HATE MY READERS!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

The only readers I hate are

1. BSC, and
2. People who keep signing themselves as 'Anonymous'.

Now I think I have two 'anonymous''s and one Caramel. Lovely.

I forgot what to blog about...

I had a really good idea.

Really. Good. Idea.

And now I've forgotten it.

Okay, I'll blog about something else.

I was talking to a friend on msn last night, and we were talking about all those celebrity interviews of those supposedly hot, hunky guys.

Well, I used to wanna be a translator at an airport when I was little - no idea why - but I always had a slight problem - I was really good at English, but I knew absolutely no other language, unless you counted IM and swearing.

But then I realized: I know how to translate celebspeak! Male celebspeak, anyway.

Don't believe me? Check this out:

Interviewer: Hey, so, how are you?
Celeb: I'm good, thank you.
TRANSLATION: I've spent the whole night partying, I just got dumped by an anorexic chick and I *really* don't want to be here. And I hate your fake nose.

Interviewer: So, what are you working on now?
Celeb: Oh, it's this movie called [insert movie name here] which is a really interesting experience, you know.
TRANSLATION: I have no idea what it's about and the female lead is ugly as hell.

Interviewer: And what is it like, playing [insert character name here]?
Celeb: It's really fascinating, you know, he's such a deep, complex character. It's not like anything I've done before.
TRANSLATION: What am I supposed to say? That he's got a really boring role and his dress sense is worse than a buffalo's? Of course I'm gonna say he's deep and complex.

And then, the golden question.

Interviewer: So, what do you look for in a girl?

Variations:

What is the most beautiful thing about a woman?
What makes a woman most attractive?
In three words, who is Your Perfect Gal?

Same thing.

And the answer:

Oh, her personality, her aura, and her inner beauty.

Stop right there.

Inner beauty? INNER BEAUTY??? Do guys even know what inner beauty is?

Because, you know that most of them would answer, if they could 'big boobs, blonde hair and an nonexistant waistline' but they can't say that. They can't say that the criterion involves being hairfree from the hairline down, no brains and a rich family. They're celebrities. So it's inner beauty all the way.

The next time any guy so much 'breathes' the words 'inner beauty', I'm gonna scream.

Walking Away

I'm Cinderella without a shoe,
The prince doesn't know what he's got to lose;
I just got to walk away,
Because I can't stay and watch my heart break;
Again.

Briefest Facebook Stint Ever...

I was on Facebook.

For about six seconds. So, suck, you missed me, too slow.

I thought it would be a good idea - you know, a bit more personal than a blog, and some place where I didn't have to do all the talking. But then I figured out that:

First, if I have a Facebook account, people will know my name. I don't want random people on the internet knowing my name, because my blog has things that some people may not like reading.

Second, there are too many flipping people to add if I go on Facebook.

Third, if I go on Facebook, BSC is going to annoy the shit out of me. As it is, he sends me emails like 'J****n V*******e wants to add you as a friend!' and I'm like 'F*ck off...'

Fourth, I really like doing all the talking.

Fifth, I have no pictures to load.

Sixth, I don't really understand all the fuss over Facebook. First it was msn, then it was MySpace, then it was Twitter, and now it's Facebook. I've told people before, but I don't really have enough time to keep up with that shit. Blogger is really easy to use - you click 'New Post', garbage on about random stuff, and then click 'Publish Post'. Even that is a little tricky for me (just joking).

Seventh, I pride myself in not giving in to trends and pressures. And sooner or later Facebook will be the Nerdiest Thing Eva and they'll all be laughing at me, as though they'd never been on Facebook, only I have.

Eighth (this is a long list. I'm aiming for ten. Million.), I don't want people ogling at my ugly face. I have better things about me then my face.

Ninth, I waste enough time on the internet. Seriously.

Tenth, my Facebook account would be the most boring in the history of the world.

And there are the ten reasons why I'm not on Facebook.

You're at the right blog, don't worry.

I just changed the skin because I'm bored.

So don't freak.

Most Romantic Man EVA

This is the couple I was talking about a couple of posts back. The gorgeous peeps that BROKE UP dude.

And she became queen and he married some weird anorexic chick. Lovely.

The clip below is when he's being especially soppy - just watch the first bit because you probably haven't watched the series and probably won't get it. Just watch about five and a half minutes, which is about half of the video. The other half won't make sense.

Anyway, don't you think he's the most ROMANTIC MAN EVA!!!!

ANONYMOUS...

I won't kill ya. Pinky promise.

Rite...

Okay, I know who LN is now. Gosh, you didn't have to be so bloody cryptic. I know I'm good with words, but not that good. Also, I read your comments at about 1 in the morning, so I was just like 'LN? LN? Who the fuck is LN? I don't know anyone called LN!'

And it is only now I realized a mother wouldn't be so stupid as to call her child 'LN' - unless you're related to ET. Lol.

I still have no bloody clue who 'Anonymous' and 'Caramel' is. A hint, guys. Please.

The Kind of Girl I Am...

...I am the kind of girl who eats more than her dad. And all her guyfriends. And any potential boyfriends.

...I am the kind of girl who people think is either very intelligent but acting stupid or very stupid acting intelligent.

...I am the kind of girl you can never class, never grade, never generalize and never stereotype. I am me.

...I am the kind of girl who doesn't really care about most things, except bad grammar. I can't stand bad grammar.

...I am the kind of girl who loves Kiwis (I used to have a celeb crush on Karl Urban. You can't love Kiwis more than that) but I really hate the accent. I'm Australian, and it drives me nuts.

...I am the kind of girl who can put up with people being intentionally annoying but I get pissed off so easily at uncontrollable things, like sneezes and coughs.

...I am the kind of girl who considers a bowl of icecream a nutritious meal. Well, it has calcium, right?

...I am the kind of girl who considers eating anything less than two jumbo eggs and two pieces of burnt toast is skipping breakfast.

...I am the kind of girl who reads deep into some things and just skims through everything else.

...I am the kind of girl who reads labels of milk cartons when I'm bored.

...I am the kind of girl who is the only one in the car that can read everything on a street sign when the car is going 100 km an hour.

...I am the kind of girl who gets hungry every two hours.

...I am the kind of girl who is not affected by coffee. I'm beyond caffeine.

...I am the kind of girl who will believe everything on the internet and nothing someone tells me in person.

...I am the kind of girl who loves cooking but can't cook.

...I am the kind of girl who believes if it's good enough to eat, it's good enough to put in your hair or on your skin.

...I am the kind of girl who loves the theory of exercise, just not the practice.

...I am the kind of girl who is really unhealthy, but hates lollies. I am one of the only unhealthy people I know that doesn't like lollies.

...I am the kind of girl who wishes regularly she was a guy.

...I am the kind of girl who is the kind of girl I am.

Denial.

There is this sort of expectation to move on suddenly, emotionlessly, if you like someone but they don't like you back.If you're not over him, you're laughing stock - especially if he's hooked up with someone else.

Which is something I seriously don't get. Love is not something that you can fall in and out of at will. So what if I'm not over the guy who's never going to be interested in me? It's not anyone else's problem but mine. It's bad enough that they don't like me, but to get teased because I'm not over him in about sixty seconds is just crazy. And the teasing is always from boys - what do they know about this stuff? Boys at this age aren't heartbroken, they're just heartbreakers. Seriously.

And I know I always fall for boys out of my league, but it's not like I have much of a choice. It's not like I can point at a guy who might actually like me back and say 'I'll fall in love with him', because love doesn't work like that. I don't know why people have such a big problem with it, but I'm used to love being a one-way thing. I don't see why they find that I like some guy so funny, because when they like someone they're drop-dead serious.

And don't you think I have it hard enough already? It's hard when all of your friends have boyfriends except for you. It's hard being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. It's hard having guyfriends gush about a girl...a girl who is not you.

It's hard enough without the ridicule. Seriously.