"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Friday, May 04, 2012

I'm not a walking dictionary.

Now Playing: 'Take On Me' by a-ha

You have no idea how freaking annoying it is when people only approach you to talk about some test/essay/study thing.

Don't get me wrong, I talk about school all the time. I'm always asking people what they did in that essay, that assignment, what they got for that test, whatever. But it's just one of the many possible topics of conversation; an ice breaker, something that leads to a more sociable conversation. If I don't really like or know someone, I don't talk to them much, and I especially don't approach them for the sole purpose of picking their brain, and walk away once I've procured my little nugget of information in a vain attempt to cure my congenital ignorance. And I don't mind giving help or advice to people, but I hate being treated like a walking dictionary. I mean, some of these people completely ignore my existance and refuse to make eye contact with me, and then suddenly we're best buddies when assessment week swings around. If there's anything to dislike about anyone it's insincerity.

It's amazing how changeable people are, how much context can change relationships. It's amazing how people have learned how to balance people so perfectly, so that I never seem to have a valid reason to be angry at anyone. People these days are masters of apology. I'm not that complicated. I love, or I hate. I never do things halfway. 

I'm not made of stone. It hurts to think that people only value me for the number I get on my test papers. I'm not one of those nerds who spends their whole life buried in books; actually, I don't study much at all, and I might be good at English but I'm by no means an authority on anything. I am just like any other normal girl. I love boys and makeup and girl talk. I don't want to spend my entire life talking about the judicial system or a freudian analysis of Ibsen; actually, these people don't even do that, they just want a fast solution to a good grade. The lack of integrity kills me. Knowledge is beautiful, and my work is an art. What little I know is complicated and intricate and fascinating and osbcure and intensely personal. I'm not a fucking search engine.

I'll talk to anyone about anything. But don't treat me as a walking dictionary.

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