"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Saturday, May 12, 2012

the second loss of innocence

Now Playing: The Hardest Part by Coldplay

They say the first loss of innocence is when you realize your parents aren't God.

True. It's a little shattering when you realize that your parents aren't perfect.

But the second loss of innocence? When you realize that love isn't enough.

I think I'm losing the idealist in me. And it's for that I cry.

I used to think that love can conquer all. That all you needed was to love someone, and if things were meant to be, they would love you back and everything would all fall in place. It's given me great patience and courage, the quiet thought that my love can make miracles.

But I've realized that it's not enough. I can love someone beyond reason, and even if he somehow, someday, somewhere, returned the favour, it wouldn't be enough. I understand now, how and why people can walk away even from those they love dearly. It is strange to never have had much at all but to realize that you need so, so much more.

Nobody has ever tried harder to make things work. Not just what people think I want - I'm not even sure I want it anymore - but even a simple friendship has just become beyond complicated. Every day I fall asleep knowing that I need more, I want more, from someone, anyone. Every day how I think and feel drains so much from me and I get so little in return.

When we've escaped the prison of high school and the undeniable influence of distorted reality and petty playground politics, what will happen? Now is not the time and place to forget anyone, not when with every step you take away from someone is a step towards someone else. But what happens next?

Maybe, later, we will be the kind of friends that I want to be. But maybe all I'll have are a few precious memories. And I'll be okay with that, either way. There is a difference between losing and letting go.

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