"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

losing face.

Now Playing: Lucifer by SHINee

I say the same thing to everyone: English and English Literature are two completely different, yet equal, subjects. I do both, I love both, and I am good at both; but I am better at English not because English is easier, it simply suits me better.

People don't understand my complete dedication to the English language and literature. Every day I thank whatever's out there for my gifts; Catherine II herself couldn't master poetry, and was deeply disappointed. In English I accept nothing less than the best of the best of myself; I've done it, and I know I can do it. It is a part of everything I am. I think in prose, I dream in poetry. Without my words I am nothing, I know that. I am not particularly remarkable in any other way.

And so I'm not obsessing over numbers. When I say I'm disappointed at a 70% or 80% I genuinely am disappointed, not because a 90% means much to me, but because it is a mark of what I know I can do. In my life there has been nothing more disappointing than knowing I could have done better; is that not the primary root of discontent when you fail in anything in life and love? If someone else can do well, I can do well, too. I'm not driven by blind ambition; I know that I will not become any better or more beautiful based on what marks I get. All I want is everything. 

I'm not afraid of failure. I'm not afraid of being wrong. I'm afraid of being mediocre. 

Oh, and by the way, between boys and books I would in all honesty choose the latter ;P

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