"I don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Putting on a brave face doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in my life knows everything that I'm going through. I can't hide anything from them. People need to realise that being open isn't the same as being weak."

- Taylor Swift

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

a paradoxical paradiggim of prejudice.

Now Playing: 'Speak Now' by Taylor Swift

'Justice is a male...para...diggim. What's a paradiggim?'

Just another fantasically talented student of Perth Modern School.

Part of being a writer is being a shameless, nosy, eavesdropper. So I sidled closer to hear this particular conversation, hoping for a giggle. Instead I felt quite burned by what they said about my work, which had been tacked onto the wall. Here they were, a bunch of ignorant tools who don't even know what a paradigm is, making the person who came top in English feel like dirt. I mean, how is that fair?

Whenever I won anything in primary school, I was always told to keep it under wraps. They didn't want the other children to feel hurt, they said. But I've realized it's the sore losers who do more damage than a stuck-up winner ever could. 

I hate how our natural reaction to someone that has something that we want but can't have is one of violence, cruelty, aggression, spite, etc. All the people who have ever tried to pull me down are people who have wanted something that I have. When I was six I proudly showed off that I was a princess (my family were considered nobility during the Joseon monarchy) and all the white kids who resided haughtily in the mansions and quasi-palaces that lined our foreshores turned green with jealousy, because they'd been raised from the cradle to think that there was something about their doll eyes and porcelain skin and fluffy blonde curls that was so much better than the working-class Asian in hand me downs. That was some of the worst bullying. Over what? Nothing, really. Nobody's going to kowtow to me and call me 'Your Grace', but the jealousy is still there when you think, as a six year old, that someone is a 'princess' and you are not.

I don't understand this, to be honest. I probably have plenty of reasons to be intimidated. I can barely count, and all my Asian peers gleefully poke fun at this. One of my friends is 6'4" and ruffles my hair as I walk past, but I'm pretty sure I don't have Tom Cruise syndrome. There are so many people I know who know so much more than me, there are so many people I have to concede defeat to, all the time, but I just see it as a chance to learn, grow, debate, talk.

People only feel the need to pull you down when they're beneath you. Remember that.

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